Consent Means Having A Conversation
“Do you want to have sex?”
“Are we sober enough for this?”
“Have I been clear enough in my communication?”
“Are you comfortable with this?”
Active consent between sexual partners means asking questions and engaging in a dialogue, and it needs to happen before, during and after sex, according to Christine Davis, health promotion specialist within the Texas A&M University Offices of the Dean of Student Life.
“Every person has the right to decide when, how and with whom they will have sexual and physical contact,” Davis said. “Consent includes having conversations before any type of sexual activity begins, throughout and even when it has concluded.”
An Association of American Universities campus climate survey of Texas A&M found that 14.8 percent of female undergraduates and 4 percent of male undergraduates experienced nonconsensual penetration due to physical force or incapacitation since entering Texas A&M. Both the data points mean there was a lack of consent. Texas A&M’s Student Conduct Code (24.1.6) defines consent as:
…meaning to be clear, voluntary, and positive verbal or non-verbal communication that all participants have agreed to the sexual activity. It must occur prior to or at the same time as the sexual activity. It must remain clear, voluntary, and positive throughout the sexual activity. It must be given for the current sexual contact. The existence of a prior relationship or prior sexual activity does not automatically ensure consent for current or future sexual contact. There must be consent for each specific type of sexual contact throughout the sexual activity. Consent must be given by each participant involved. A person must be 17 years of age or older to be able to consent to sexual activity if the other participant(s) involved are more than three years of age older than that person. A person who is clearly or visibly incapacitated is not able to give consent to sexual activity. http://student-rules.tamu.edu/rule24
The definition of consent may be simple to understand when it is spelled out on paper, but it can be more complex in practice. Davis said that conversations should begin with an internal reflection (what am I comfortable with and am I ready for this?), understanding our own and our partner’s readiness for sexual activity, continued discussions on preferred methods of contraception and infection prevention, comfort with the type of sexual activity, what both partners like best, and how partners feel physically, mentally and emotionally after the experience. Perhaps most importantly, a person who is clearly or visibly incapacitated is not able to give consent to sexual activity.
“Communication is important in sexual experiences but even more so is respecting our partners’ wishes. Establishing firm and clear boundaries with sex partners reduces the risk of a possible sexual assault but it is not a 100 percent-guaranteed safeguard against it,” Davis said. “There are individuals present on our campus and in our community who will still act against their partner or partners. It is our responsibility to Step In and Stand Up to prevent sexual assaults from occurring in our community.”
