What Does It Mean To Act Like A Man?

The “Our Masculinity Matters Summit” at Texas A&M University posed a simple, but loaded, question to participants: what does it mean to be a man?

The two-day summit, coordinated by the Offices of the Dean of Student Life and the Office of Consensual Language, Education, Awareness & Relationships (CLEAR) set out to answer that question and what masculinity means in today’s society, by engaging in a wide-ranging, personal dialogue with participants.

Keynote speaker Marc A. Grimmett, co-creator of the My Masculinity Helps documentary, set the tone for the summit by asking the all-male audience to share words they have heard used to describe how women and men are supposed to act in an activity called “Act Like a Man Box.” For example, society expects women to be “nice” and men to be “tough,” so each word was written inside their respective boxes.

Then, the same activity was repeated, but adjectives for what people called men and women who did not act like they were supposed to were shared and put outside of each respective box. Men who do not fit masculine characteristics might be called a “sissy” and women who do not fit feminine characteristics could be called a “tomboy.”

By the end of the activity, participants saw that the negative words used to describe men were about women, and that in society, one of the worst things you can call a man is a woman. Furthermore, using the gender identity of being a woman and using “woman” as an insult helps facilitate violence against women. Grimmett’s activity revealed that a male-dominated society sets contradictory expectations for women and unrealistic standards for men.  The parting lesson matched the overall theme of the summit of challenging more men to change their way of thinking of what it means to be someone who identifies as a man or a woman.

“If we continue this structure, we perpetuate a gender hierarchy with men being on top,” Grimmett said. “What we are trying to do is disrupt that so we can be more full human beings, because everybody needs to express their emotions in a healthy way.”

Summit participants also heard from Texas A&M Corps of Cadets Assistant Commandant for Discipline Lt. Col. Christian Emmerson on masculinity in the military, Optimum Life Fellowship of Houston Senior Pastor Eric Johnson on the history of manhood and many others. During the summit, participants shared personal stories about their experiences of growing up in a society that largely expects men to meet certain expectations of masculinity, and sometimes struggling with those expectations.

David Parrott, executive associate vice president and chief of staff for student affairs, urged the men who attended the summit to use the momentum from the gathering to get on board with Texas A&M’s Step In Stand Up campaign to end sexual assault on campus and “move the needle of campus culture.”

“These discussions are timely and necessary,” Parrott said. “This is a time in our society where educated and caring people are taking up the mantle of inclusion and acceptance – a time where we openly discuss privilege and access, and where we approach societal ills by critically examining existing paradigms to see if they can withstand our new expectations and encompass our evolving consciousness.”